Eclair-ity

Portia heard her cell signal a text message had been received as she lay on the couch watching a movie while snuggled up next to the Object of Her Affections. She considered getting up to read it. She'd received some distressing texts of late and this could be another to be concerned about. However, instead, she chose to remain where she was and give into the pleasant warmth of the moment.

She felt normal. Whatever normal meant to her any more, she wasn't sure. But this had the telltale feelings of some kind of normality. She felt like things were somehow right. She felt like she knew what was what. This was a feeling she didn't have very often any more and she missed it.

The feeling of Surety, whether real or imagined, was perceived by her senses and she allowed it envelope her. She took a deep breath and submerged herself completely in the moment, allowing it to engulf her.

In that moment, it seemed as if This had always been. As if, This had been the only reality that had ever existed. As if, there had been no other path taken, no other life lived. That somehow, This was all there ever had been and it was Good.

She wanted the feeling to last but knew the Object of Her Affections well enough to know that such a thing was highly unlikely. They were on a journey and such a destination- if, in fact, that was where they were going- was not likely to be reached for quite some time. He was a doubter, a skeptic who required some Proof that she could not provide. Only he could do that for himself... only he would know when he saw it, felt it, tasted it on his tongue and knew the Truth. Only when, or if, that happened would she know if such a destination was ahead on a far-off horizon.

Bottom line: It was completely outisde of her control.

So, she tried to relish this feeling of normality. Perhaps brought on by a well-placed question from the day before that caused her to examine her own journey.

Was she happy in the Now? Or just waiting for life to become something else?

This was an eternal issue for her. A life lesson she was aware was her's to learn for at least the better part of three decades.

She hadn't been that happy in recent months. By all rights, she should've been happier. But now, she fully realized how much she had control over. And for a moment, she began to dwell solely in her feelings about her life and herself and not in the damnable details that spoke their own volumes and told her that her life had been pointless, that everything she had worked for had failed and that she was not likely to recover her sense of belonging again at this late stage of her life.

She had abandoned that Ship of Belonging and now frequently suffered as she felt herself aimlessly floating along in this salty sea of despondency, sadness and uncertainty.

So, as the text sounded, she decided to remain in the happiness of the moment. It was a good feeling and a good evening because of that choice to remain undistracted.

Hours later, before bed, she stopped to check her cell for the text. It was a simple text from Wallace that took her by pleasant surprise.

He was OK.
And she was OK.

In this one moment, they each had somehow released themselves, through some combination of thought patterns, from the prison of their daily pain out into the Yard for a walk in the sunshine.

It made her happier, somehow, to know that they were both OK at the moment, in the moment. It would be nice if they could each learn how to reconstruct that Key so as to unlock their own doors at any given moment.

Maybe that was too much to ask?
She didn't want to think about it any more.

She just wanted to Believe in this moment until it was gone.
And she fervently hoped Wallace was doing the same.