Wallace haphazardly flipped by this lead-in photo to an article 20 or 30 times. Sometimes, well the majority of the times, he paused briefly to admire the technical qualities of the photo. It was white on white, but still maintained great detail. Not a style he usually enjoyed. The article that followed seemed too long, so each of those times he passed it by.
Then, last night, Wallace gets this esoteric email from a friend. Absolutely nothing in it was extraordinary. But it was thoughtful. He read the article shortly thereafter. Nothing extraordinary about it whatsoever. It was just an almost-bio of a young photographer who has done some nationally recognized work. Par for the course for the magazine. More than the article or the email, Wallace found himself in a state of clarity shortly thereafter. One of those moments that one would love to “put under glass” to coin a Juliana Hatfield song from another lifetime. In the moment, however, he wasn’t trying to hold on to it. It just Was. He was unaware of its ephemeral nature. It didn’t matter. It was one of those moments that bounced around until it found a home and then nestled in for a warm cup of cocoa.
If Wallace was to overanalyze, as he’s want to do. Especially after the moment has passed, he notices some triggers. Perhaps these triggers can help Wallace to feel closer to right more often. In the article, the photographer was flippant about any success. She worked on a few large professional jobs and then had the resources to do the art she wanted to, working again basically when she needed the money. Wallace had a bad memory, so the details are honestly gone because he only skimmed it once, but the message resonated. We hinder ourselves because of “overhead.” In the form of families or commitments. We don’t take the next steps because there’s this idea that doing something mundane gives us more stability. This is an illusion. Financially, you can find yourself in a more lucrative situation with a personal portfolio more infused with risk. The ONLY reason that this is a more rare state is because it takes more guts that the alternative.
Wallace’s moment had past, yet he was still somewhat aware. If this was mania, bring it on.
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I like the idea of being able to note triggers and try to either avoid ones that cause negative feelings or induce the ones that cause a positive state of mind.
I wonder if I would muster that kind of discipline to call upon a postive trigger while in the depth of a negative emotive state. Hmmm. "Why not?" she said optimistically, reverting back to a third-person referral to herself.
>>We hinder ourselves because of “overhead.”
Tru dat, Wall. Tru dat. However, I have this ephemeral dream where commitments and relationships enhance the bottomline rather than becoming emotional overhead. Where one is supported in the pursuit of all things related to one's Self-ness rather than told to "straighten up, fly right, and be responsible."
I think we can be responsible and still be true to ourselves. But we must put ourselves in the presence of those with a like mind... that is, if we're going to try to be close to others while pursuing our dreams.
I just hate to think that one is mutually exclusive of the other. Though often, that's how it works out.
>>The ONLY reason that this is a more rare state is because it takes more guts that the alternative.
Again, right on the nose. Or you've pinned the tail on the donkey. Either end. Take your pick. I think it takes guts to express your desires and pursue them... even if you are the only one affected.
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